Life in the Grey Area

Summer is over!!

2010-09-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

Once again the school year has started. I can't believe that the summers keep going by faster and faster every year.

This fall is bringing some new adjustments for our kiddos. Reagan was added to the 'school aged' bunch this year. She trotted off to kindergarten with a huge smile on her face-so ready to be a big kid!!

Rinnah will also make the big jump into preschool starting next week. This will be the hardest adjustment-at least for the Mama:) She will be going to a special education classroom, which will give her tons of new learning experiences. Mommy is just worried about sending her 'baby' off to school! I probably need to concentrate more on how I will spend my new free time:)

Well, that's a short update for now!

Hope you are all adjusting to the chilly weather and orange school buses!!

Parenting Update...

2010-02-19T14:16:00.001-08:00

Well, Reagan is indeed a very smart girl. It only took one more night on the floor to figure out that a nice soft bed is worth a few less tantrums. We are ever so proud of Reagan as she keeps smiles on our faces with her "nice girl" attitude.

Oh the joys of parenthood...I can't wait until Reagan is a teenager;)

A Bed is a Privilege...???

2010-02-17T13:32:00.000-08:00

I'm going to skip the polka-dotted girls post for now, due to the distress of our most recent parenting battle.

Our darling little Reagan has suddenly come into the need for many nights of battling the bedtime rage. She seems to be such a sweet pixie of a girl until the sun goes down and bedtime nears. Then she becomes something out of a nasty horror film. The screams, kicking, hitting, silent growling stares...I could go on and on. I really have never seen anything like it. Her energy for these bedtime fits is quite impressive. We keep thinking that she will just tire herself out and fall asleep-but it never happens. The girl has some major talent!

So what do we do? We asked ourselves this question each time we reached what we deemed to be the end of the line. And finally it dawned on me that having a soft bed to sleep on is a privilege. When we had finally taken away the last tangible object, we were left with the bed.

Can we really do this? Is it even legal? Why, yes we can!

And yes we did!

I really can't believe it! It was one of the worst nights of parenting I can remember. Telling this cherub faced preschooler that she lost the privilege of owning a bed. She would now be sleeping on a blanket in the bathroom(room choice for obvious reasons after 100 requests to go to the bathroom in order to leave her bed)

Just one night is all it took to earn back her lovies and water bottle. Last night at bedtime she said "Since I was good today do I own a water bottle now?" What a smart little cookie:)

Tonight we are setting the stage for a trip back to her actual bed. But, remember, it is a privilege-most easily stripped away again.

I can't believe this is happening in my house!!!

I Haven't Forgotten

2010-02-12T12:40:00.000-08:00

Don't Worry! I haven't forgotten you little blog. Just busy busy busy these days:) I am working on a great post about my polk-a-dotted girls...just guess what that means?????

Later Gator.....

'R' Kids

2010-01-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

I have spent the day reflecting on how lucky Jared and I are to have these beautiful kids in our lives. In the past two days Rinnah has made my heart skip a few beats with another new symptom to add to our never-ending list of medical questions and this morning she took a fast trip down the stairs onto her precious little head. It really makes me think about how thankful I am for these crazy beasts:)

I love the picture (above) because it captures the kids at their best. Just having fun and enjoying being kids on Christmas Eve. They were sooo excited to put out cookies and milk for Santa! I'm not sure those smiles could get any bigger.

Now I'm off to make sure these precious little blessings are staying in their beds(wish me luck!) and hopefully get Rinnah to stop sticking this blasted Dora sticker on my face. I'm trying to blog here child...OMG she just said 'MA'! Another little blessing!!!

I wasn't even done typing and Reagan is already down here asking Rinnah to "keep and eye on my puppy". You would think we had an actual dog. To bed with you....NOW!

New Year....New Look....New Ideas!

2010-01-06T17:11:00.000-08:00

Update:
I'm getting the kinks worked out with backgrounds and color. I'll have to make it fancy another day;) Off to work! More later...

Another year has passed me by, and still I am pondering how I can fit blogging into my life. I'm going to try a new approach in the hopes that I will stick with it. Instead of keeping this blog fairly anonymous, I have decided to open up and "be real". And by that, I mean using our real names, places, etc. I think part of me just couldn't keep writing about these imaginary names. I also want to be more real about the issues we deal with as a family every day. This way I can keep family and friends up to date on all of our happenings.

Who knows if I will succeed? Wish me luck!

Welcome to my new and improved blog...

Happy Father's Day!!!

2009-06-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day to all you great daddy's out there. I'm hoping that Jay and I can take the kids to the lake today, but I guess it's supposed to rain:( We'll just have to think of another way to celebrate.

I woke up this morning to find the kids happily wrapping Father's Day gifts in Christmas paper. Ooh so proud of their little homemade gifts! Now they have to try to wake Jay up!!!

Just a few other things...One of the blogs I have a link to ended up being a big hoax. What a bummer!! I hope that in the future I can be more aware of things like that.

But I would like to you to keep praying for a family that is very close to my heart. They are friends of ours from college days and have a sweet little daughter Lucy who is going through a lot right now. The link is on my profile page-All the Marletts.

Hope you all have a great day!

Sweet New Phone!!!

2009-06-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

Hello again! I took a little Twitter break while friends and I had a garage sale. But now I'm back and I've got a sweet new phone. Just stopped in to the Sprint store to see what kind of upgrade I could get. I left 20 minutes later with a great purple Rant. Better keyboard and camera than the one I had. Now the kids are happy because the home phone is now my 'old' Rumor. They will probably be texting all the time now too!

Only four days of school left for the big kids. Hope got done with preK last week. I'm not sure that this mommy is ready for summer! I will be very busy with Faith and Lola toddling around. Just thinking about all the meals, snacks, entertainment, swim lessons, camps....makes me a little sick to my stomach.

Off to work I go. Hope Jay and the kids have a wonderful evening:)

A New Day

2009-05-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

Thought it was about time to do some spring cleaning over here at my blog. Or maybe it is just my way of procrastinating any cleaning I may or may not be doing at my house.

When I started this blog I intended to write a diary of sorts to help me work thru the frustrations of having four kids-two with special needs. I have come to find out that my intentions were good, but my blogging abilities have something to be desired.

Now I have landed in the reality of loving to read other peoples blogs and yet not having the time to update my own very often. I also tried Twittering and I am having a lot of fun with that. Facebook is another great time sucker that I just can't stay connected with. I don't know why...all my friends are doing it?!

So if you are reading this-I applaud you for sticking with me. Leave a note and let me know you were here.

For now I will leave a few prayer requests for you religious types:

Lola is having an MRI and some other testing tomorrow. She is such a little sweetie and I hate the thought of her being sad. Please pray for her and that the tests will bring long awaited answers.

I have been following two blogs with little ones who need prayer. Stellan could use prayer for his heart and April Rose could use prayer as she enters this world soon with Trisomy 18.

Also little Lucy is having many tests and appts this week. Pray for answers!

And for the Lockwood family as they travel back Mexico with their 12 little ones.

HAVE A GREAT THURSDAY!

Dangers at McDonalds!

2009-04-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

So here is the story-

I went to McD's at Hope's request. Pulled into the drive-thru and started to order. Waited patiently for a response from the speaker that my order had been heard....nothing..."Hello?"...nothing....I am waaaaay too patient..."Hello?"...nothing...finally I give up. I circle the restaurant and reenter the drive-thru. Decide too late that I should switch to the other drive-thru lane, so I stop and reverse (there was nobody behind me).

Here comes the bad part...

I shift the truck into drive and swerve around their little cement median thingy (or at least I thought there was enough room to go around it). Next thing I hear is a horrible BUMP...CRUNCH...SCREECH from the underside of my truck. Everyone around McD's was looking at me-this I totally hate!!! I now can see the HUGE rock (that just destroyed part of my truck) in the median, possibly meant to ward away lane changers such as myself.

I make a quick decision to abort the mission at this McD's location and make a hasty exit while trying not to make eye contact with anyone who saw my mishap.

Just down the road is another McDonald's...
and my wonderful husband.
He took just one look at the damage and shook his head in dismay-without a single word about woman drivers.

Tweet Tweet

2009-04-17T16:13:00.000-07:00

So as you may have noticed, I gave up on blogging around Christmas. I'm not really sure why, just didn't have the energy. So I thought I might try my hand at another great mode of communication-Twitter.

I'm stuck home sick right now, so what better to do than spend my time getting set up with Twitter and then blogging about it. ( What in the world did my own mother do when she was sick? ) Hopefully this will also inspire me to pick up blogging again.

I would love to hear from all of you out there. Motherhood is definitely a journey that can't be faced alone.

Hope to tweet you soon!

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-23T13:01:00.001-08:00

From our home to yours....

Have a blessed holiday season!!!

Way too long!

2008-12-09T18:19:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been way too long since my last post. I have been struggling a bit with my typical winter blues, but it seems to have crept up on me early this year. It just makes every little thing just a bit harder to handle! So good 'ole Dr. B adjusted my dose ;) and now I seem to be back on track.

As always life just keeps flying by! The pic is from Thanksgiving. Aren't we just a happy little family:) The kids are now knee deep in their Christmas lists and counting the days. I was just on the upswing with cleaning and laundry after the whole lice fiasco when we all got the puking flu!!!! Can you even imagine the horror?! Five of the six people in this family were sick at the same time. Somehow Grace escaped-I swear she has an immune system made of steel!

I haven't finished Christmas shopping yet. I did get some Christmas cards/photos printed at Target. I have even delivered a few. That makes me feel good. Tonight I spent a lovely evening out to dinner with my favorite friends from work:) Our supervisor/friend treated us to a dinner without husbands and children-what a dream!! It was her Christmas gift to us. She is seriously the sweetest woman I know! I'm very lucky...

On a serious note, I have a few prayer requests for all of you religious types. My dear little Lola has been having some health issues. She has spent some days in the hospital and had many, many tests done. She will have more testing tomorrow. I just ask that you pray for answers and peace for her parents. She is a trooper and is still remaining very happy through this rough time.

And also prayers for a few more people I love who are experiencing health issues right now: my dad, my cousin, and baby Lucy. Thank you!

Introducing Lola!!!!!

2008-10-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

This little darling is the latest addition to our clan. I started doing daycare for Lola at the beginning of September. It turned out to be such a blessing for all of us! She fits in with our family sooooo well. We miss her when she's not here!

Lola is the sweetest girl ever! She is always giving hugs and kisses to everyone. Her favorite things are her baby doll and balls. She is not even a year old and is already walking and saying many little words.

Faith and Lola are great friends already. They have huge smiles when Lola arrives in the morning and sometimes tears when she leaves. Her mommy and daddy miss her soooo much when they are at work, but we love having her as part of our family during that time.

The girls love playing the piano during the day. Here Hope is trying her best to "teach" them a song:)

This is what my days are all about. Two babies, two bottles, two nuks, lots of diaper and wipes!!! I have to say that it really is a joy. I did the two baby thing 9 years ago with RJ and Andy. It's amazing how much I missed it!

Welcome to the clan Lola!!!!

We love you!

Nit Picking!

2008-10-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

I have a whole new appreciation for that phrase! Since Thursday morning I have been nit picking, hair washing, doing mountains of laundry, vacuuming, vacuuming, vacuuming and officially going crazy!!!!

I found lice in Hope's hair just before school on Thursday. I immediately went and picked up RJ and Grace from school. My worst fear has finally come true-all my kids have lice!!

OK, things could definitely be worse, but for someone who is constantly on the brink of OCD/anxiety overload this has got to be one of the worst things to happen. Even though Jay swears that there is nothing in my hair, I feel like Pigpen from the Charlie Brown cartoons-like there must be a cloud of flying bugs wafting around my head.

The worst part so far is that I have used the high powered shampoo twice on each of my kids and we are still finding live ones. I sure hope this is the very last time we do this!!!

Oh and just a side note, Jay had plans to go up to the family hunting cabin this weekend so I have been home alone with my creepy crawly children. This does not generally leave mommy in a very good mood!

I hope and pray that none of you ever have to do this!!!

And lastly, I stayed up late last night hoping that Tina Fey would brighten my weekend with yet another dead on impersonation of Sarah Palin. Well I got a rerun!! Not good enough!!!

MONDAY...

2008-09-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

I know life is not always going to go as planned, but sometimes I just need a break! Last night I went to bed smiling after spending a wonderful weekend with my family. On Saturday Grace and I spent the day with friends at the MOA. It was a blissful day of all things pink and pretty. Two 7 yr olds with great new hairstyles and happy faces from lunch at the Rainforest Cafe. Then on Sunday we spent the morning at our new church and the afternoon doing an all-family cleaning of the house. It was such a relief to have things tidied up!

So monday dawned early with crabby kids and a baby full of boogers. By just after breakfast I had Grace back in bed after she refused to get on the school bus. Faith was in the bathroom with Daddy trying to cough up one of her lungs and Hope was being her usually sassy self. Soon I had a Dr appt. made for Faith and I had pleaded several times with Grace to let me take her to school-but no, she still had a "tummy ache"!

It's now late afternoon. I just spent the last hour on the toilet-something about lunch was not appealing to my bowels(TMI). Grace finally went to school and is now home again:) Faith is fine, lungs are clear and she has coughed and puked up all of last nights phlegm. Hope is still sassy and is currently running aro-update:I was just informed that Hope just peed on the counter again!!!

Gotta Go!
Happy Monday!

A most wonderful day...

2008-09-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

I can't even begin to explain what an incredible day I just had! I met my best friend Krissy at the MOA for some food and shopping. It had been a long time since we had been together without kids in tow. We traveled from baby store to baby store searching for the perfect outfit for Krissy's little princess due in December.

Needless to say we found many other things as well. I scored new PJ's at Old Navy!!! And a few too many things for my little princess's. I didn't find anything for RJ, which I feel a little guilty about. I think I need to take him on a shopping trip sometime soon. Nine yr old boys are really hard to shop for!!

Now for the excellent ending to my day, A trip to the airport to serve as an "Adoption Doula" for my friend Mama Sweetpea. Although I've witnessed the 'birth' of many families, this was a whole new experience. To see the joy in the eyes of three sweet brothers as they welcomed their long awaited sister was just about all I could handle! Mama Sweetpea and her hubby E had traveled to Ethiopia to bring back their little princess Sunshine. She greeted everyone with smiles and curiously touched her brother's faces. It was a very magical time for everyone!

If you want to read more about Mama Sweatpea's adoption journey visit her blog.

So now I am emotionally drained. It's time for bed and I can't wait to get into my new PJ's!

It's been a while....

2008-09-12T18:58:00.001-07:00

I just can't find the time for this blog these days! The end of summer and the beginning of school has just wiped us out here at the Davis house.

The big kids are (un)happily settled into their school night routine. I'm havin' some fun during the day without so many kids to tend to.

I also started doing day care for my friend's daughter. She is just the sweetest little thing ever! She's 10 mo. old, so it's challenging with two babies. But we have not let that keep us down.

We have already spent a few mornings at the mall and Target:) And this week I'm having a garage sale with a few mommy friends. Maybe I'll make you guess how much I made?! It's less than Marie Green made, but enough to make me super happy!!!

Here are a few vacation pics I promised a while back. I still don't have a pic of my new ride:( so sad!!!

I'm off to watch a little TMNT with RJ. Wish me luck!!

SUMMERTIME!

2008-08-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

OK, those that know me will not be floored by this- but otherwise hold on to your 90's mall bangs!

I saw the New Kids on the Block at the Mall of America last week:)

On a whim, Grace and I went to see the NKOTB perform and have "just girl time" at the MOA. It was soooooo fun!!! I was such a Blockhead back in the day. I think everyone should relive a little fun from their teen years now and then. What made it even more special was sharing the experience with Grace. She is just 7, so we haven't quite hit the boy crazy stage yet. But I know that in just a few years I may be driving her to a Jonas Bros. concert or whatever other hot group of teen boys is the latest craze by then. I can't wait!!

Here are a few pics, just in case there are a few closeted Blockheads out there somewhere:) ENJOY!!!

We just got back from our summer vaca. After the next few days of reentry I will post some great pics of the kiddos!

Mama's got a new ride...

2008-08-06T16:46:00.001-07:00

Hey guys!!! I'm sooo excited! After many years of driving my dear old friend "Superstar" aka-ugly green ford windstar, I am now sporting a sweet Ford Expedition! Now before you go all green on me- I know what kind of gas mileage I'm gonna get- HORRIBLE! But on the upside, I can transport my children and several friends safely...this is Very important to me. I have been a car seat technician for several years now and it has been driving me crazy that I can't get anywhere these days without putting some little innocent lives in danger. Now-problem solved...and mama's got power seats, cd changer, and auto start too!!!!

OK, enough about that, the summer continues to scoot by. We are anticipating a wonderful one week vaca starting this weekend. Nothing fancy, just laying around by the lake/pool for eight days!!! I even picked out a book today. It will be the first actual book I've read for enjoyment since Faith was born. It's so silly how excited I get about the simple things in life-like reading:)

Hope seems to have taken a step back and is now putting diapers on. I told her I was done changing diapers, so she puts them on herself! I hope that doesn't sound too mean, but the girl didn't have a single accident in over two weeks-and now she WANTS to wear diapers again. What a stinker!

Grace and RJ never want to go back to school. I have to admit that it's been great having them home, but they need to go back now:) I can only handle four kids 24/7 for a certain amount of time-three months is too long. Again, hopefully I don't sound like a horrible mother. I'm just the type that needs a little personal space once in a while to stay sane-and maybe a little Paxil!

Little Faith is still little! She is weighing in at a whopping 16# 12oz. The great news is that she is always making great progress in therapy. She's eating more solids and starting to make more sounds. She is signing for "more" and "bye bye" consistently. And just this week she started pulling herself up to standing~WooHoo~

I'll try to get a pic of my ride up soon...
Have a great week!

Where is my summer going????

2008-07-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how fast life is flying by these days. It's so hard to live life in the moment when the moments are going by at light speed. Yesterday I sat down to finish balancing the checking account only to find that I started doing that job on July 7. How did that happen?

Everyone at our house is doing well. Faith is continues to make great progress. She is now making more vocal sounds and just started to sign for Bye Bye and More!!! We are soooo excited! She is also finally eating solids. We just had our first real meal with all six of us at the table. I never thought that I would be so blessed!

RJ and Grace are playing every minute they can with neighborhood friends. It's nice to be able to stay around home more and have happy kids. They are growing up so fast. I love that they enjoy taking care of Hope and Faith. Grace is a mommy at heart and always makes sure everyone is following the rules-even if she isn't:) And RJ has been practicing Guitar Hero in every spare minute. He can now beat me and Jay at many songs!!

And I'm super excited to announce that Hope potty trained herself this past week! I knew she would get it on her own. No one tells Hope what to do:) That is a personality trait that will come in handy someday, but can make life VERY complicated when she's 3. Most recently I had to carry her out of our local Subway kicking and screaming because she refused to contain her loud voice during lunch. Later when I asked her about the situation she just shrugged her shoulders, gave me puppydog eyes and said "That happens!".

Hope you are all having a fun and happy summer too!

PRICELESS...

2008-07-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this will be our last 1st birthday. It really makes me realize that I need to treasure every moment. Time goes by way too quickly!!!

What a weekend...

2008-07-09T08:59:00.003-07:00

My sweet little Faith is now officially a one year old!!! I can't believe it!

We had a huge holiday weekend full of celebrations. It was wonderful to be able to spend time with Jay and the kids, as well as many family members and friends. She enjoyed every minute of the festivities. I haven't had time to upload the cake pics yet, but she made a huge mess:) We attend the local parade on July 4th and fun was had by all. We missed out on all this fun last year because of Faith's birth. So I was just as excited as the kids to have a fun and sunny Fourth of July!!

This was the day...

2008-07-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

Just one year ago I was still preggers with little Miss Faith. She was still snuggled safely inside, just waiting to come into this world. I was sooo relieved to be in labor after making it through the hardest of my four pregnancies! I was literally counting the minutes that I had left!!! Little did I know that I was on the cusp of a whole new normal. It's really interesting to examine the mindset that I had in the past, not knowing what was just hours into the future. Could I have possibly imagined what this year would be like? Tiny, nonbreastfeeding newborn, months of struggles with bottle feeding, endless dr appts, endless therapy sessions, four visits to the surgery center, two broken bones(Grace), the list could go on and on!

WOW!! That's all I can say!

Tonight I am taking a trip down memory lane with my dearest doula. She was with me last year as my contractions were steadily going nowhere. She drove me to Walmart "just to walk around". She was beside me as we pulled into the parking lot and my water broke! She gently helped me labor and bring Faith into the world a few hours later. Tonight we will walk the isles of Walmart (a store that I dispise the other 364 days of the yr!). I will probably look for a few toys to spoil my baby with. It will be nice to relive those moments and just focus on my sweet girl!

Thank You Doula Friend!!!

Joys and Sorrows...

2008-06-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

This summer is certainly flying by!!! It seems like every minute we are going somewhere or anticipating another exciting event. Here are some of our recent highlights...

SHE'S CRAWLING!!! Faith has finally become mobile. She doesn't go very far yet, but she IS crawling and we are sooooo excited!!!!

Our sweet Gracie became an actress last week. She appeared in

a small production of Beauty and the Beast. As the youngest in the cast she was assigned a minor role as a Rose. But she took the job very seriously and loved every minute she spent on stage!! For those of you close enough to attend, she will be performing again in July:)

RJ is just enjoying summer one day at a time. He frequently bothers all of us with his strange humor and loves to be silly! He has also started gymnastics much to his father's dismay!! I tried to ease the topic by assigning RJ to a class with a male coach. This didn't work very well because Daddy picked RJ up on the second day of class and noticed that the coach wasn't the "man's man" that he had hoped for. He is more of the eyeliner and outstanding wardrobe type;) At least RJ is happy!

Hope is her own little challenging self these days. This is how we prefer to see her-sleeping(silent):) On this day she literally fell asleep with her snack in her mouth! We all had a good laugh when she woke up and saw this pic.

We also have endured some sorrow. Our Grandpa Francis passed away last week. He was a wise old man who taught us many things. The kids only knew him in his frailness. Hope had been scared of him lately because of the O2 tank he needed to travel with. This was the first experience with death that any of the kids had. RJ and Grace understood everything and really handled it well. Hope was endlessly confused and is still asking "Where is that Bampa in that box?" every day. She did provide us with some humor when we found her standing next to this is our living room soon after Grandpa's viewing. We hope Wendy(of Bob the Builder fame) will rest in peace!

Hope your summer is as fun and silly as ours has been!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

2008-06-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

Jay is such a wonderful guy!!! He has spent the last 16 yrs being patient with me and all my special personality quirks. He has spent the last 9 1/2 yrs being the best dad I know to our four children. Not to mention working hard each day to support our family and still having time and (some) energy to spend doing all the things we constantly ask of him:)

It's hard to find just the right words to discribe how thankful I am for the blessing Jay is to my life! It seems like I've known him forever. Since we were just "kids" when we met, there has been a lot of growing up done together in the past 16 yrs. Becoming parents has been quite a journey and continues to be a challenge everyday. It's amazing that the past year since Faith was born has been both the most difficult and yet the happiest. Jay and I have grown closer and have also been able to gain a lot of perspective through this adversity.

So today I just want to say "Thank You" to Jay for being a great DAD! You are a blessing to us all:)

A Glimpse...

2008-06-11T21:04:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to give you a quick glimpse of what our family is like, in case you are just visiting for the first time. My name is Tina. My husband, Jay, and I have been married for 11 1/2 yrs and have four children. RJ 9yrs, Grace 6yrs, Hope 3yrs and Faith 11 months. Jay is an auto mechanic at a Ford dealership and I moonlight as a Childbirth Educator at a local clinic and work on call as a birth doula(not to mention being a full time mom during the rest of the day).

This blog has turned out to be my mommy rantings about the frustrations of raising children with undiagnosed special health concerns. RJ is assumed to have, but never diagnosed with, mild autism spectrum disorder. He is currently doing very well with the help of anti-anxiety medication and lots of TLC from his family, friends and special education programs. Faith has had several medical issues since she was born and is developmentally delayed in all areas. She is currently a medical mystery with no know cause for her problems. She gets physical, occupational and speech therapy weekly while continuing to undergo testing.

All that aside, we are a very happy family! Everyone in our house has a huge sense of humor. Although we have limited time all together due to work, dr/therapy appts, etc.-we make the most of the time we do have. I love taking all the kids on picnics to the park or to play at the local mall children's area. We also lurk at our local Target for fun, even making friends with some of the employees:) The kiddos love to spend time vegging with Dad in front of the TV or going boating. They spend a lot of time outdoors playing with our neighbor, Isabella(12yrs). She has been my lifesaver this year, spending time with RJ, Grace and Hope while I tend to the needs of Faith.

I hope that this gives you a little glimpse into our lives. I hope to share more in the near future. Stay tuned!!!

FAITH=Belief in the Unseen

2008-06-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

Today was an especially tough day for Faith. She had to have and MRI to rule out any abnormalities in her brain that could be causing her delays. Although she has already had general anesthesia twice, it was still hard to hand her over to the nurse. She was amazingly brave and came through the procedure with no ill effects. Just an hour of IV fluids and she was on her way home.

The day wasn't any easier on mommy! I was pretty calm during the procedure, wasting my time with an OK magazine and some Food channel shows. It was the small cries that I could hear coming from recovery that really started to pull at my heart strings. Faith really snuggled in when they handed her to me 20 min later and she hasn't left my arms yet. I am currently typing one handed:)

I just talked to Faith's pediatrician little while ago. She gave me the report that the MRI results were normal. My response was "Huh." Not what I expected?!? I don't want you to think that I was hoping something was wrong, but I WAS hoping for some answers. I KNOW some thing is not right. I see it every second I spend with Faith. It (delayed) is who she is, although it definitely doesn't define her personality. She is a marvelously sweet baby who just happened to get some extra "specialness". That's a much more positive way to think of "IT"-"SPECIAL".

So now we move on...with Faith. There was nothing to see today. Maybe there never will be any answers for my sweet girl. I will continue to work on living in the moment and not dwelling on my mommy guilt or the uncertain future. Wish me luck!!!

Tough Times...

2008-05-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

So here is my little pity party...

I have to admit that lately I've been having a pretty tough time dealing with life. For a while things had been cruising along and with the help of my trusty friend (Paxil) I was able to 'deal' with all of life's ups and downs pretty well. The last few weeks/month have not been so great. I think as Faith is getting older I'm finally starting to grieve what might have been. This may be a little premature since she is only an infant, but as her 1st birthday nears I am more and more aware of all the milestones that haven't yet been conquered.

Will she catch up? Maybe.
Do we know anything for sure? No.
Are there ever any guarantees? Never.
Do I wish she was a 'normal' baby? Yes.
Will I love her no matter what? Of course.
Am I furious that we don't know why? Every second.
Do I think it's my fault? Sometimes.

These are the things that fill a messed up mommy brain. I know that things could be worse and things may very well get much better in the future. But right now I'm just in a funk. Probably something that is part of a natural process of acceptance-or some ridiculous psychological garbage like that.

Take a deep breath and move forward.
That's all I can do.
And maybe get a stronger script for Paxil!

btw...
I would love to touch base with other moms in situations similar to our family. If you know anyone, send them my way. And be sure to tell them that I'm not always such a pathetic loser...I'm sure it's only temporary:)

The Tea Party

2008-05-18T21:02:00.000-07:00

Just to give you some idea of how silly we can be at our house. I will grace you with this tale of today's tea party.

Early this afternoon, the kids (RJ, Hope and our neighbor Isabella) asked if they could put a towel down in Hope's room and have a tea party using just water in the teapot. This sounded like at least a half hour of free mommy time to me so I, of course, said yes. There was the occasional need for assistance as the teapot was refilled MANY times, but I was glad to help since it seemed like and innocent request.

After about 30 minutes of tea party fun RJ appeared at the top of the stairs to announce "Come have some pee-I mean tea..." This was mumbled as he stumbled down the stairs. As he got closer I could see that the entire front of his shirt was wet and it looked like he had peed his pants. I asked what he was doing and he proceeded to tell me that Hope had served him beer instead of water so he was drunk and he had peed his pants.

Now before you freak out on me, he was JUST KIDDING. RJ may be naive when it comes to most social behavior but he has a superhuman sense of humor!! My question is: How does my 9 yr old know how to act drunk???? I think Jay might have some explaining to do! I'm pretty sure that it's not me who lets the kids watch adult themed cartoons on a regular basis.

We immediately brought the tea party to a close. I informed Hope that she must only serve tea or water next time, and we then changed everyones extremely wet clothes. It gave me a nice transition to PJ time!

Hopefully I'm not the only one with massively inappropriate parenting going on at their house. When things like this happen (which isn't very often) I try to keep my cool and count my blessings that it could be something worse. We also use it as a learning experience-RJ and I had a brief discussion about what it means to be drunk.

Now I will go lay down in bed and wonder what tomorrow will bring as Jay finishes watching the latest episode of Family Guy...

Hello Again...

2008-05-17T19:52:00.001-07:00

I can't believe over a month has gone by already! I never imagined that life could cruise along this fast. So many things have happened over the past month, I just don't know where to start.

Our journey with Faith is keeping us on our toes. We had just about settled in to feeling like 'wait and see' was our only option when everything changed suddenly. Within just a few days our ENT doc decided that Faith needed to have her adenoids removed and her airway widened. This was to help improve her eating and breathing because she had stopped gaining weight.

The surgery went very well and she was only in the hospital for just over 24 hrs. We have yet to see the full effect of the procedure, but we're hoping that she will gain more weight and her body will continue to get stronger. In just the past two weeks she has learned to army crawl and how to get from laying on her tummy to sitting. We are thrilled to see so many changes happening so quickly!!!!!

Our sweet and sassy girl, Hope, turned 3 this week. She has been a pickle lately so I was really hoping we could make it through her b-day party without any major tantrums. It turned out to be a wonderful day full of friends, family and of course tons of gifts.

I'll end with a request today...
If you read this blog, please stop and leave me a quick comment. I would love to know who is reading my random thoughts, and I would also like to talk with others out there parenting children with special needs.
Thanks!!!!

My Very Special Child

2008-04-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

As the saga of Faith's life continues to unfold, I have been reminded time and again to just enjoy the beautiful child that she is instead of endlessly toiling about her future. It's so easy to get caught up in Dr appts and therapy days. Much harder to make time to just sit and love on this sweet angel of happiness and love. I am so very blessed to be her mother!!!

It is so difficult to hear the words that portray my child as less than perfect. Just yesterday I was faced with an evaluation that put Faith's motor skills at half of her actual age. Today I ache for a family member just starting out into her journey through the 'grey area' of autism spectrum disorder.

Right now I am taking some time to marvel at Faith's ability to smile at anyone, understand that feet are more fun than toys, and her never ending wiggling that lets us know she is so excited about life!

...I was told a story just a few days ago about a woman in Guatemala who brought her children to a missionary doctor. When she arrived the woman was nursing her 18 month old daughter who she already knew had a problem with her heart. When beginning to talk with the doctor about how serious the problem was, she said in her most loving voice, "this is my very..special..child". Her heart knew that the doctor was probably going to tell her terrible news, but she wanted the doctor to understand that this was her child, whom she loved with all of her heart for as long as life would allow!

You're a Big Girl Now!!! Tale of Two Nukies.

2008-04-07T04:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it finally happened--Hope doesn't have her pacifiers anymore! I'm not sure whether to jump for joy or break down in tears. I know every parent faces decisions like the one Jay and I had to make yesterday. A strange twist of fate presented us with the opportunity to break Hope's nukie habit 'cold turkey'. We had been talking about the Nukie Fairy for a while now. She has been excited about the idea that the fairy would bring her some great gifts, but not quite ready to take that final step to give up her million suck a day habit. We had already sent our stash of extra nukies to the fairy, so she was just down to her 'two nukies and clipper'(a very aesthetically pleasing orange nuk attached to a pink nuk by a ribbon that had a clip on the other end in case Hope wanted to attach her Nuk sucking mouth to another object-exactly what an almost three year old needs dangling from her mouth 24/7). So yesterday the whole lot of dangling nukies went missing amid a giant family play date involving fourteen children in my fairly small house-not a big surprise!

At first she didn't even know they were gone. All the cousins kept her playing happily all afternoon. By dinner time Hope was starting to get sleepy and began asking urgently for her nukies. It was then that I made the swift decision to suggest that maybe the Nukie Fairy had taken them. At first she thought this was great! She would finally get the gifts that had been promised, but this excitement only last about an hour and the tears started to flow at bedtime! There is nothing that I like less than my adorable daughter looking at me with her tear streaked, snotty face and knowing that I am to blame. I know this because just a few minutes before bedtime I found them. They were laying on RJ's bed when I tucked him in. My choice now was to lie over and over and over to keep up the Nukie Fairy charade or to just give them back and let her go to sleep. This is where Jay steps in.

Jay keeps my soft heart in check when it comes to parenting. It would have been so easy to just let her suck those nukies into dreamland last night. But after already putting the Nukie Fairy plan in motion Jay thought we should stick with it and make the break. I know he was right-it is just so hard to see my sweet babies cry!!!

To my surprise the waterworks lasted a much shorter amount of time than I anticipated. Soon Hope was asleep and she only woke once in the night to ask if I had found her nukies yet. To which I responded "no" and back to sleep she went with no tears!!!! Hope was at my bedside this morning just after 6 with bright eyes and a huge smile:) "The nukie fairy already camed!" We ran downstairs to see the pile of gifts by the front door amid plastic sparkly fairy dust. Hope now has a Dora bedding set, Baby Jaguar doll and her own pack of gum-exactly what Nukie Fairies have been bringing young children for centuries I'm sure! And now another little part of my baby is gone forever:(mommy tears...
At least I won't be chasing that damn Nukie dangler around the house ever again!!!!Yippee!!!!!!

Continued...

2008-04-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I don't wanted anyone to get scared away from this blog because of the long boring story of the past few years. I just thought I should get the basic story of our family on the table before I dabble into the day to day antics I want to share. So get ready, this is another(and hopefully the last) really long one!

OK, I ended with frustration but I return now with the rest of the story.

RJ has continued to balance right on the brink of autism/anxiety/normal development. He only began to qualify for services at school at the very end of kindergarten so he ended up starting his first grade year with an IEP(individual education plan). This helped so much because RJ was finally having difficulty with academics due to his problems focusing in noisy situations and lack of social skills. During this time, Jay and I continued to take advice from our psychologist and pediatrician about how to parent such a special boy. We were also parents now to RJ's two younger sisters, Grace and Hope, who were developing normally and were a real blessing to RJ. The girls constantly challenged his need to have a quiet, routine atmosphere-but always in a positive way. RJ was also blessed by my job as a nanny which provided him with two sudo-siblings. Parker as an older brother figure and Andy as a twin brother. As infants RJ and Andy were almost inseperable and even developed there own little toddler language--Very Cute:)!

As I look at RJ's life so far it seems to be unfolding in a bell curve of sorts. His development had gone from normal in early infancy to very worrisome during his 3-6yr phase. As he entered 2nd grade we began to notice some very positive changes. The curve seemed to be going back in the positive direction. I would love to attribute these changes to all of the great help he was getting at school and his first and second grade teachers(I would swear they were angels!), but who knows!! His social skills made a marked improvement and he started doing much better academically as well. The only thing that really continued to get worse was his sleep.

By the summer after second grade we had looked into our options for helping him sleep and stay asleep. It came as a surprise to us that RJ was waking in the night, but he finally was able to tell us and we immediately went to see our Ped. He told us to try over the counter Melatonin. It worked and Jay tried it too. I don't think it's working for him as well;). I still hear the snoring next to me every night. We were just very happy that RJ was suddenly doing so well.

It was also during this summer that we took our next big step further into The Grey Area. In July our youngest daughter, Faith, was born. I had suffered through what I viewed to be the worst pregnancy ever. From before I took the pregnancy test to 6 weeks after she was born I suffered from never ending irritable bowel. Without totally grossing you out I will just say that I did a lot of time on the potty. Unlike my other three pregnancies, which were relatively uneventful, I sooo much trouble with Faith. I had a hard time gaining any weight because of my bowel issues. Then at my 20 wk ultrasound we got a scare that she might have a chromosome problem. After further testing this turned out to be a false alarm-but it was literally that scariest two weeks of my life!!!!

The biggest surprise came at Faith's birth when they placed her on the scale and she weighed just 5# 7 ounces. A full two pounds less than my next smallest baby and almost three pounds less than Grace. Very hard to believe since they all grew in the same mommy for roughing the same amount of time. As time has passed we have discovered that her weight is not the only this for us to worry about. Faith was diagnosed at 6 months with a congenital airway problem called Laryngomalacia(I dare you to try and say that one!). This simply means that her airway is floppy and underdeveloped. She has had problems eating since birth and constantly snorts, chokes and sounds congested. For a few months she was also on an apnea monitor because we were worried that she would choke and stop breathing.

This is the interesting part-nobody can tell us what's wrong with her either!!! GREY AREA ALERT! I can only stay calm while writing this story for so long and then my undies get all up in a bunch. I love all four of my kids soooooo much I couldn't even find the words to describe it and I would never want to change anything about any of them, but I also want to be able to do everything I can to give them long, healthy, happy lives. How can I do that if I don't even know what is wrong???? I just had someone tell me today, as I was updating them on Faith's progress, that if anyone can handle this situation it would be me because I'm such a great mom. In the moment that was really nice to hear, but even great mom's can't handle everything!! I sometimes wonder what God was thinking when he was mapping out this life. Did He send RJ just to test us out to see if we could handle raising Faith too? These are the insane questions that fill my head sometimes.

I guess I'm ending with frustration again today. I will continue again soon with how things are going right now and hopefully brighten your day with the tales of our crazy family life:)

The Day Our Lives Changed Forever!

2008-04-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

On this day, nine years ago, our lives were changed forever by the birth of our first child, RJ. We were a young married couple who were overjoyed to be pregnant and even more happy to have a healthy pregnancy. Just four years before I had been through a very traumatic loss when the family I was nannying for suffered the death of their two day old son due to a heart condition. I had anticipated his arrival with the knowledge that he would be sick and require surgery, but it never really sunk in that he could actually die until I recieved the phone call from his father telling me that he had not lived through the surgery. From that moment on my ideas about pregnancy and newborn babies were permenantly shifted from assuming the best outcome to always being suspicious of the worst.

On the day of RJ's birth I was again slammed with the reality that life and death are only a breath apart. Just as RJ was being brought into the world the doctors and nurses saw something worrisome on his heartrate monitor. He was quickly delivered and within hours had tests done to make sure that he and his heart were completely healthy. This time everything turned out fine. RJ was pronounced healthy and we left the hospital just two days later to start our life as a family of three. Little did we know that we had just stepped over into what I like to call 'The Grey Area'.

At first everything seemed to be alright. We had a sweet little baby boy who was adorable! He did have his moments of fussiness. Was it colic? "Probably" said the Drs. After a while they ran some tests to make sure everything in his tummy was working properly-and all was well. As Baby RJ grew a little older we noticed that he would get VERY fussy at loud family gatherings. He would usually get so upset that he would cry himself to sleep. He was also vomiting a lot for no known reason. Being first time parents I don't think any of this bothered us at the time. We just accepted that he was a sensitive baby and lived our lives according to his needs. It wasn't until into his second year that a little voice in the back of my mind began to wonder if something wasn't right. RJ didn't begin to walk until he was 16 months old. Much later than most toddlers and even more evident to me because the family I was still nannying for had a son exactly the same age. Their son, Andy, started walking just after his first birthday and their older son, Parker, had walked before he was one. I trusted our doctor and agreed that some kids just do things a little later than others.

Over the next few years there was just one unique thing after another to make excuses for in RJ's life. Frequent vomiting, a sudden obsession with monster trucks, he was terrified of balloons, he would scream or cry when any sudden noise scared him, he didn't like to walk barefoot on grass---on and on the list could go. It wasn't until he was in preschool that we finally found a pediatrician that took our concerns seriously. Was it possible that RJ was affected by Autsim?

RJ was tested by the school district and of course he landed in 'The Grey Area'. His symptoms could indicate Autism Spectrum Disorder or they could be some pretty serious anxiety issues. "It was too soon to tell"(that's what we were told). He was doing well in preschool and didn't seem to require any assistance, so we just waited. Eventually we started seeing a wonderful psychologist who began to help us understand how to parent our unique child. RJ had a hard time expressing himself and she helped us find ways to communicate better. It was during this time that RJ's sister, Grace, was born. I remember being very anxious about her health, but for some reason I just had a gut feeling that Grace would be just fine.

RJ continued to have a revolving list of symptoms that were indicative of Autism. His love of monster trucks started at 18 months and never wavered. He would rarely make eye contact with anyone outside his comfort zone of close family and friends. He had a quick gag reflex. And he developed some nervous habits like constantly picking his nose:( Again late in his kindergarten year we had RJ tested by the school district. This time he qualified under Autism Spectrum Disorder. Which means we still don't have a firm medical diagnosis, but he is able to recieve services because according to the tests he may be on the mild end of the Autism Spectrum. After the testing we returned to our pediatrician to find out that a diagnosis isn't necessary unless we intend on giving RJ any type of medication. I was finally getting very frustrated!

What frustrated me? SO MANY THINGS!!! Why did my son have to be affected by autism? Why can't someone, for the love of God, just tell us what's wrong with him so we can fix it? So many things would go through my mind. I remember at one time being jealous of my friend who's daughter has Down Syndrome. Wouldn't it be easier if we could 'see' the problem? So other people could 'see' what was wrong and not think he was weird. What would his future be like? Everything was filled with uncertainty. Grey GREY GREY GREY..................I just wanted BLACK or WHITE!

to be continued....

Today is the day....

2008-03-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

I can't contain my excitement!!!! I have finally spent the ten whole minutes it took to create this blog....Why was it that I kept putting this off? I have been feeling pulled toward this world of blogging for quite some time now and hope that some of my random ramblings about life will be enjoyed by others. Stay tuned for the beginning of my thoughts on-Life in the Grey Area!