So here is my little pity party...
I have to admit that lately I've been having a pretty tough time dealing with life. For a while things had been cruising along and with the help of my trusty friend (Paxil) I was able to 'deal' with all of life's ups and downs pretty well. The last few weeks/month have not been so great. I think as Faith is getting older I'm finally starting to grieve what might have been. This may be a little premature since she is only an infant, but as her 1st birthday nears I am more and more aware of all the milestones that haven't yet been conquered.
Will she catch up? Maybe.
Do we know anything for sure? No.
Are there ever any guarantees? Never.
Do I wish she was a 'normal' baby? Yes.
Will I love her no matter what? Of course.
Am I furious that we don't know why? Every second.
Do I think it's my fault? Sometimes.
These are the things that fill a messed up mommy brain. I know that things could be worse and things may very well get much better in the future. But right now I'm just in a funk. Probably something that is part of a natural process of acceptance-or some ridiculous psychological garbage like that.
Take a deep breath and move forward.
That's all I can do.
And maybe get a stronger script for Paxil!
btw...
I would love to touch base with other moms in situations similar to our family. If you know anyone, send them my way. And be sure to tell them that I'm not always such a pathetic loser...I'm sure it's only temporary:)
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The Tea Party
Just to give you some idea of how silly we can be at our house. I will grace you with this tale of today's tea party.
Early this afternoon, the kids (RJ, Hope and our neighbor Isabella) asked if they could put a towel down in Hope's room and have a tea party using just water in the teapot. This sounded like at least a half hour of free mommy time to me so I, of course, said yes. There was the occasional need for assistance as the teapot was refilled MANY times, but I was glad to help since it seemed like and innocent request.
After about 30 minutes of tea party fun RJ appeared at the top of the stairs to announce "Come have some pee-I mean tea..." This was mumbled as he stumbled down the stairs. As he got closer I could see that the entire front of his shirt was wet and it looked like he had peed his pants. I asked what he was doing and he proceeded to tell me that Hope had served him beer instead of water so he was drunk and he had peed his pants.
Now before you freak out on me, he was JUST KIDDING. RJ may be naive when it comes to most social behavior but he has a superhuman sense of humor!! My question is: How does my 9 yr old know how to act drunk???? I think Jay might have some explaining to do! I'm pretty sure that it's not me who lets the kids watch adult themed cartoons on a regular basis.
We immediately brought the tea party to a close. I informed Hope that she must only serve tea or water next time, and we then changed everyones extremely wet clothes. It gave me a nice transition to PJ time!
Hopefully I'm not the only one with massively inappropriate parenting going on at their house. When things like this happen (which isn't very often) I try to keep my cool and count my blessings that it could be something worse. We also use it as a learning experience-RJ and I had a brief discussion about what it means to be drunk.
Now I will go lay down in bed and wonder what tomorrow will bring as Jay finishes watching the latest episode of Family Guy...
Early this afternoon, the kids (RJ, Hope and our neighbor Isabella) asked if they could put a towel down in Hope's room and have a tea party using just water in the teapot. This sounded like at least a half hour of free mommy time to me so I, of course, said yes. There was the occasional need for assistance as the teapot was refilled MANY times, but I was glad to help since it seemed like and innocent request.
After about 30 minutes of tea party fun RJ appeared at the top of the stairs to announce "Come have some pee-I mean tea..." This was mumbled as he stumbled down the stairs. As he got closer I could see that the entire front of his shirt was wet and it looked like he had peed his pants. I asked what he was doing and he proceeded to tell me that Hope had served him beer instead of water so he was drunk and he had peed his pants.
Now before you freak out on me, he was JUST KIDDING. RJ may be naive when it comes to most social behavior but he has a superhuman sense of humor!! My question is: How does my 9 yr old know how to act drunk???? I think Jay might have some explaining to do! I'm pretty sure that it's not me who lets the kids watch adult themed cartoons on a regular basis.
We immediately brought the tea party to a close. I informed Hope that she must only serve tea or water next time, and we then changed everyones extremely wet clothes. It gave me a nice transition to PJ time!
Hopefully I'm not the only one with massively inappropriate parenting going on at their house. When things like this happen (which isn't very often) I try to keep my cool and count my blessings that it could be something worse. We also use it as a learning experience-RJ and I had a brief discussion about what it means to be drunk.
Now I will go lay down in bed and wonder what tomorrow will bring as Jay finishes watching the latest episode of Family Guy...
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Hello Again...
I can't believe over a month has gone by already! I never imagined that life could cruise along this fast. So many things have happened over the past month, I just don't know where to start.
Our journey with Faith is keeping us on our toes. We had just about settled in to feeling like 'wait and see' was our only option when everything changed suddenly. Within just a few days our ENT doc decided that Faith needed to have her adenoids removed and her airway widened. This was to help improve her eating and breathing because she had stopped gaining weight.
The surgery went very well and she was only in the hospital for just over 24 hrs. We have yet to see the full effect of the procedure, but we're hoping that she will gain more weight and her body will continue to get stronger. In just the past two weeks she has learned to army crawl and how to get from laying on her tummy to sitting. We are thrilled to see so many changes happening so quickly!!!!!
Our sweet and sassy girl, Hope, turned 3 this week. She has been a pickle lately so I was really hoping we could make it through her b-day party without any major tantrums. It turned out to be a wonderful day full of friends, family and of course tons of gifts.
I'll end with a request today...
If you read this blog, please stop and leave me a quick comment. I would love to know who is reading my random thoughts, and I would also like to talk with others out there parenting children with special needs.
Thanks!!!!
Our journey with Faith is keeping us on our toes. We had just about settled in to feeling like 'wait and see' was our only option when everything changed suddenly. Within just a few days our ENT doc decided that Faith needed to have her adenoids removed and her airway widened. This was to help improve her eating and breathing because she had stopped gaining weight.
The surgery went very well and she was only in the hospital for just over 24 hrs. We have yet to see the full effect of the procedure, but we're hoping that she will gain more weight and her body will continue to get stronger. In just the past two weeks she has learned to army crawl and how to get from laying on her tummy to sitting. We are thrilled to see so many changes happening so quickly!!!!!
Our sweet and sassy girl, Hope, turned 3 this week. She has been a pickle lately so I was really hoping we could make it through her b-day party without any major tantrums. It turned out to be a wonderful day full of friends, family and of course tons of gifts.
I'll end with a request today...
If you read this blog, please stop and leave me a quick comment. I would love to know who is reading my random thoughts, and I would also like to talk with others out there parenting children with special needs.
Thanks!!!!
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