Tough Times...

So here is my little pity party...

I have to admit that lately I've been having a pretty tough time dealing with life. For a while things had been cruising along and with the help of my trusty friend (Paxil) I was able to 'deal' with all of life's ups and downs pretty well. The last few weeks/month have not been so great. I think as Faith is getting older I'm finally starting to grieve what might have been. This may be a little premature since she is only an infant, but as her 1st birthday nears I am more and more aware of all the milestones that haven't yet been conquered.

Will she catch up? Maybe.
Do we know anything for sure? No.
Are there ever any guarantees? Never.
Do I wish she was a 'normal' baby? Yes.
Will I love her no matter what? Of course.
Am I furious that we don't know why? Every second.
Do I think it's my fault? Sometimes.

These are the things that fill a messed up mommy brain. I know that things could be worse and things may very well get much better in the future. But right now I'm just in a funk. Probably something that is part of a natural process of acceptance-or some ridiculous psychological garbage like that.

Take a deep breath and move forward.
That's all I can do.
And maybe get a stronger script for Paxil!


btw...
I would love to touch base with other moms in situations similar to our family. If you know anyone, send them my way. And be sure to tell them that I'm not always such a pathetic loser...I'm sure it's only temporary:)